Animals

Sorry for the late post. I am lame and forgot today was Tuesday so here is one for Wednesday! It will be going somewhere in the universe. Probably close on the heels of The cure. So please enjoy a bit of my rant.

            Humans are interesting animals. Homo sapiens, as we call ourselves, are a paradox wrapped in an enigma.  We spent half of our evolutionary existence learning about our selves and are no closer to understanding it than we are to the hunk of rock we stand on. A blink of an eye in comparison to the universe surrounding us and yet science has yet to have answers to some of the fundamental questions. We have put us above other animals that we share so much with. All life on this planet is connected from simple insects to the mighty beasts of the wild. We have conquered and domesticated some of our most ferocious predators to nothing more than slaves instead of friends.

            We consider ourselves rational. Although time and again we have proved we are not so. We call ourselves individuals and masters of our fate when we abide by a few simple rules. I see it more clearly than ever; all of it basic primal instinct. We seek safety and hate for their peace to be disturbed. Siting on the top of this pyramid of power we say what happens to everything we say what lives or dies. Yet we are the crazy ones. Augmenting our abilities with our ingenuity to become even bigger monsters. Example: we pile ourselves in to large metal encasing and move faster than our bodies were meant to. We lose our identities, moving behind masks yelling and berating each other for things beyond our control.

“Everyone is insane and yet scream their innocence.”  Came from my mouth.

In reality I was still driving. I cannot excuse the simplicity of my own thoughts being shaped by the world around me. I was twenty-five hours into my journey. Everything I owned was behind me in the back of the small moving truck I rented. At this point music was useless and the static was my only solitude. I would hear murmurs through it like a distant signal wanting to be found. It never was and why should I care?

I had left my beautiful home city of Peoria, Illinois for Newport Beach, California. It was not a very rational choice by me however I decided I needed a change of pace, something totally different. I sold my house and plan to find something as soon as possible. Energy drink cans littered the floor of the truck. The only way that could keep me going. I wanted to get there yesterday.

“Hotels? Who needs sleep?” slipped out of my mouth.

I had to fill the void, the darkness that stretched in my vision only interrupted by shining beacons that accelerate past. The words echoed through my thoughtless head. Goes to prove how tired I am. I lost the feeling in my legs 100 miles back. A boner could only hold back pee for so long. I needed something fast. Mercy smiles upon me for an early morning donut shop. My stomach argues with me. I finally relented to my body needs. It was time for a coffee and donut treat. The truck swayed as I pulled in but I was apathetic.

Struggling with the pins and needles, working the blood to my tired muscles. The lights blinded me and the smell of coffee smacked me in the face. I nodded to the old lad at the counter before heading back to the toilet. I ignored the filth and made sure to wash my hands extra well. I made idle conversation as woman took my order.  I ignored her mostly it was the same drivel everyone says. Behind my mask I was guilt for the amount of donuts but it would last me for the next 150 miles at least. That was later this is now, stalling to for some human contact and more coffee to keep me going. Eventually I had to leave her too back to the darkness.

The thoughts started once again.

Love Doctor pt.2 the murder

Apologies for the late continuation post. It was hard figuring out where I wanted to go with it. Anyways this is a continuation on one of my more disturbing stories and it only gets worse. Take that as a warning. This is the first part of what will be another novel in what I hope to be a series about Dr.  Royal which I posted Friday. The first part is here: http://nakedlysane.blogspot.com/2014/05/love-doctor.html and please enjoy. 

8:15 a.m. Tuesday, June 24^th

Shelly walks into a cold dark doctors office. The cold is normal, the dark not so much. Dr. Underwood usually was here by now to open up, the door was unlocked so he had to be there. Shelly flipped the switch; the pale light blinded her for a moment. The disgustingly old green couch came into focus along with the shitty coffee table that had year old magazine subscriptions on top. Shelly walked past the depressing waiting room and through the door to the depressing clinic halls. No sign of Underwood.

“Maybe he is in his office,” Shelly says to herself. It was eerily quiet as Shelly opened the door. The ambient light from the computer screensaver only made vague shapes visible. A figure sat in the chair in the desk. “Dr. Underwood, why are you sitting here in dar…” Shelly asked flipping on the lights. Her breath caught short as the light filled the room. She couldn’t believe what was before her. Her former employer was slumped in his office chair. He was naked except for the dried blood covering most of his body and was restrained with rope. Shelly screamed.

8:30 a.m. I was called to the scene.

            “Hey Dr. Royal, long time no see,” Snickered Detective Fields. “How is the lovely Ms. Knight doing?”

            “Working to put criminals behind bars, like you should be.” I retorted.

It shut him up for a bit while he showed be to the office where Dr. Underwood was found. I knew already that Underwood was a Gynecologist, a bad one at that. Most doctors in this area talk to each other and rumors spread fast. However since he is in one of the poorer parts of town he gets away with a little more than he should. Even then he doesn’t deserve this. Walking in the first thing I notice in large red letters scrawled across the back wall was “SEXUAL DEVIANT.” Obviously someone was acting on a misplaced sense of justice. Ridding the world of undesirables. Next my eyes were drawn to the now dead Underwood. He was a bloody mess, cuts up and down his torso, some concentrated on his nipples. It seems he died from blood loss from a slit throat, but that isn’t the worst of it his family jewels had been cut off and thrown on to the floor. It was some piece of work and not something I had planned to see so early in the morning.

“So Doc,” Fields spoke up. “What do you think for your first real case for the Newport Police?”

I swallowed whatever saliva remained in my open mouth. “Someone definitely wanted Dr. Underwood dead,” the words finally coming from my mouth, “and made sure he suffered well before that happened. This was definitely planed and I doubt you will find finger prints anywhere of use.”

“Why do you say that?” asked the inspector.

“Well this is a doctors office how hard is it to go over to the wall and pull out some damn gloves.” I say as I begin to pull some out for myself. Although I didn’t really want to inspect the foul body any closer I needed clues. So I get behind the dead man, no trauma to the head. I look in the trash and find gauze, taking a slight whiff that confirms it as chloroform. That answers how he was stripped and restrained without much of a fight. Next point of business was to see what was last on the computer. Pressing the space key the screen comes to life instantly, displaying a video of the doctor giving his patient an exam. This was already very damning evidence but it didn’t end there with out warning muffed screams of a female orgasm erupted from the speakers. Everyone else turned away embarrassed.

“Well it looks like our dead friend here was a very perverted man indeed.” I say stopping the video just Underwood finishes and turns around smiles at the camera. 

snoozing on the couch dreaming of you

Today is an interesting post, if you notice every sentence goes up the alphabet Z-A. It may seem hard but really you need to play with form and let the story come to you. It goes in a very strange direction. So please enjoy the alphabet. 

Zzzz, I was sleeping on the ratty couch in my apartment with my computer still on. You were off finding real men, somewhere that I didn’t know. ‘XOXO I love you so,’ read the note attached to shiny red wrapping paper. Why did you have to leave me all alone? Valentines day used to mean something, to be with the one you love. Unless that means showing how you really feel underneath the pain.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” She said turning away.

“Stop, please don’t do this to us,” I pleaded attempting to grasp her soft hands.

“Richard, you did this to us a long time ago and I should have left long time ago,” she said slamming the door behind her.

Quiet now, you begin to whack one off. Perhaps to Veronica’s Facebook photos but it only drug up bittersweet memories. Only it is not enough anymore. Nothing gets me off more than that time I secretly filmed us making love it was beautiful. My only regret was that you found out. Love, I did it out of pure unadulterated love. Knowing she threated to leave unless I deleted it, I guess it was a normal reaction. Just as a precaution I made copies, now that she is leaving I guess I can put it on the Internet.

I finish a little too quickly, just like the video. Having never really satisfied Veronica, another disappointment. God you were out of my league, too hot for me. Fantasies plague my dreams. Everything used to be perfect. Didn’t think it would ever come to this, come to vindictiveness. Couldn’t you have waited at least till tomorrow, to give you the ring? But you want me to suffer here, alone. Another fuck up on the board of my life.

What really happened

This is a late exercise that is a changed point of view of last tuesday's submission by me: More than a home. It should have parallels but it gives what really happened front he perspective of Zach. I hope you like it.

I loved her more than I ever imagined. I did anything and everything for Vanessa. She was the light of my world and the only thing keeping me from descending back to that horrible place. I had lost everyone that ever cared about me. My dad was in jail for killing my mother. My sister disappeared shortly after with out a word. I was alone and scared. Alcohol helped me cope with the horrors. I kept up appearances where I could. It was either hiding from depression or hiding the sweet poison. No one knew, no one asked, no one cared but she did.

We met by chance. We were both late to the bus one day that it was raining. I had stupidly forgot anything to keep me from getting soaked. She was nice enough to share her umbrella with a wet mutt like me. I could see a shining kindness in her eyes, much like my mothers. So I chatted with her, told her how nice and good looking she was.  It was simple and easy talking to her and when I finally got her name I was smitten. Vanessa, unique and special just like her. She seemed interested in me. So why not try again.

I cleaned myself up. Shaved, hair cut, new clothes the works. I had to have her. It took me weeks to work up the courage to ask her out on a date, when she said yes I was ecstatic. We went to a nice Italian restaurant in town, I did anything and everything to woo her. It all paid off when she asked me to join her in her yearly garden party where she cooks a feast for her friends and family. I knew then and there we had something and that I loved her more than anything in the world at that point.

Soon after that we were going steady, going out, having fun at my place, movies, anything and everything. We were so happy, nothing could bring me down. We generally stayed at my place because her house gave me the creeps. Like someone or something was always watching. Vanessa told me that it was silly and that there was no one else in the house. It didn’t comfort me so I always convinced her to come over to my place instead.  It worked for some time but she always wanted her home, something my place couldn’t give her. She said it was perfect for her, always was since her mother bought it when she was little.

We began to fight, innocently enough until it grew too large to handle. Little things here and there would be a big deal like, how my place was always cold, or her leaving stuff on. It was childish to say the least. I turned to alcohol again to relax and to let the little things go. Of course it didn’t work, every fight turned into a reminder of my mother and father. How he beat her and I for her being strong. I became angry that I couldn’t control anything anymore. So I took matters into my own hands the only way I knew how. But it made things worse, she was gone and I was alone again.

Everything was a blur from then on, back to drinking anything to stop the pain. Whenever I checked in on myself I was stalking Vanessa; at home, on the bus, at work. I confronted her several times but each ended the same, her pushing me away. I finally found myself  in a gutter  with an empty bottle of the strongest liquor I could find. Breaking it on the dirty trashcan I left and went back to whatever is left of a home. Sobering up I tried for one Last Chance, trying to plead for my innocence.  I write this as an account of what happened, I hope it finds you well.

Love Doctor

Love doesn’t exist. Love is just chemicals in the brain telling you that he/she/it is the one. Love is just a human creation to tame our wild instincts. We are really just animals; our only purpose is to live long enough to pass on our genetics. Now a days it is all too simple, medicine has made it possible to live well beyond what was expected long ago. With it people have regimented society telling you want you can and can’t do. There is a species of primates in central Africa that has sex for pleasure, they are not monogamous and will often participate in orgies in which anything is on the table. Imagine a chimpanzee that enjoys oral, heterosexual, and homosexual behavior and enjoys it so much that they spend most of the day fucking around. Sex is their life and I’m jealous.

I spend all day staring at vaginas that I can’t enjoy and it drives me mad. Some are pregnant, some ugly and diseased, every once and a while they are beautiful and I love them all. From the Labia to the Clitoris the vagina fascinates me. The Clitoris alone has some 8,000 nerve endings which stimulate female pleasure. This fact along with our cousins has led me to believe that Sex is much more than to create offspring. The orgasm itself is pure pleasure, why would we need that to promote sexual activity when we already have the instinct to pass on our genetic make-up. Black Widow spiders and other species eat the male after sex or the male eventually dies shortly afterward and yet they still continue to thrive. Sexual repression makes no sense. It is time we accept us for who we are: Polyamorous sexual beings, that just so happen to have a larger frontal cortex that allows us to think.

 Being a gynecologist has its perks, first of all every woman needs to see one so unless half the population falls off the face of the planet, I will stay in business. This means a steady supply of female bodies to admire and new patients are always my favorite, this time is no exception. Julia Strong, I read off of her file. Twenty two years old, blond hair, low BMI and she is clean. Sounds like a winner. I hasten my way from my office to the examination room. The building in which I house my practice is fairly old and opaque walls disgust me, there is only so much wall art can do to liven up the place and give it some color. I open the door to the dilapidated clinic to find Julia ready for her examination, feet up in the air, legs spread wide, lacking the blanket most use to cover their indecency. Immediately alerted to my presence she takes her legs out of their holder and closes her legs embarrassed.

“Oh, I am terribly sorry Ms. Strong,” I say walking over to where she sat, “I should have knocked.” I touch her shoulder to comfort her. “I am Dr. Underwood, your gynecologist. Try to relax a bit, I am here to help, and besides I’ll be down there soon enough.”

“I know, sorry Dr. Underwood I am just nervous.” She says relaxing her legs but leaving them closed. “This is my first time coming to a doctor like you. “

“That’s okay, it is only natural.” I say on reflex, patting her back, ”Why don’t I try and find a blanket to help cover you up.” I turn and walk towards the cabinets on the other side of the white room. What wasn’t covered in medical posters had pictures of cuddly Kittens. “So what brings you in today Ms. Strong?” I ask filling the silence.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was good down there and possibly start birth control. “ she said shyly.

“That sounds perfectly fine. No reason to be embarrassed. I see plenty of young ladies much like you. “ I coo back at her. “Ah ha! Here are the blankets,” discovering them in an unusual cabinet, probably were the new Secretary decided to stash them. While I was there I grabbed blue plastic gloves. With that in hand I made my way back over to her. I could see the red in her face and how she eyed me. Not suspicious maybe a longing. I spread the blanket over her, this usually makes people feel at home. “Now do feel better?” I ask noticing a wave of relief spread over her.

“Yeah, much better do you mind getting on with the exam?” she said lifting her feet into place.

“Why certainly, Ms. Strong what ever you would like.” I said smiling at her.

She smiled back, “You can call me Julia.”

“Alright Julia, just to warn you I will be sticking this utensil inside of your vagina to get a better view.” I say displaying the alien looking device to her. “It will be cold and I apologize, I would warm it up but sanitation and all that.”

“I understand and trust you completely Dr. Underwood.” I could hear her say over the blanket.

This was my favorite part, the things I will do to her. My smile changed then this is where I am truly happy.