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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Alan's: A Found Essay on Yelp!



First off  let me define a found essay for those of you who might not know what it is. No it's not a essay I found online or somewhere else and credited to my own, it's not an old essay of mine either that I found. It is an essay composed of sentences not written by me myself but instead "stitched" together by me to make sense. This can be done with a anything, from books to menus to websites, the only rule is that you don't add in or take away any words yourself. 

My essay is composed souly of Yelp! reviews from the Austin, TX area ranging from coffee shop reviews to restaurants to night clubs. This took me wayyyyy longer than expected to write (about 3 or 4 hours for just over 300 words!) but was extremely rewarding in the end.

A great example of a found essay can be found here, composed completely of tweets: http://brevitymag.com/issues/march-2013/twitterverse/



          I am not really sure why I love Alan's so much, but I do. I've been coming here a lot lately- so much so my mom got me a gift card to the place for Christmas. That alone is awesome, The problem is that at the end of the day, it's a strip club. It has a fantastic location and a lot of seating. They even have a private "conference room" where you can get work done or schedule meetings if you want a private space.  It all depends on who's waiting on you as I've learned to avoid certain staff who are not friendly or courteous.
First thing I'll say is Madison is DARK. REALLY REALLY DARK. On top of that, I honestly think she had something against marriage parties because when we told her that our friend just got married today, she literally said "well f*** him." I told her I wanted my card back and she told me to 'check my shit' because I was 'probably' drunk. Anyways, she fetched me my drink and what do you know, no roofies, YAY!
            Stephanie was awesome! She asks me if I was Jewish because her dad is Jewish and I remind her of him.  Never in my life has reminding some girl of her dad ever paid off for me.  And I'm not even Jewish.  She's wearing this low-cut, red dress which really didn't matter because I immediately undressed her with my eyes. Something she didn't have to do because I was pretty happy already. These days it's rare to experience such caring service.
            I stayed at the bar until 3AM. Lights on. No drinks. No music. I just want to be everyone's friend here. Trying to talk to anyone at this place is damn near impossible. Now don't F it up this time. Let's make this pillow talk last forever baby.

Sources (In order of appearance):

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